i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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