you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
