brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
where are my eyebrows?
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