ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My dick has a subreddit
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
