I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
