hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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