maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
