So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
