he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
