Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
