i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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