there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
