You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
