Your tits are I can't wait for
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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