I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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