Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
