I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
