What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
