just tell him i said nine months
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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