as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
