He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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