I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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