why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
