Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
