So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just had sex on a roof
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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