from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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