Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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