she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
