Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
