I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
