we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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