I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
