You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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