No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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