Joe is yelling at the trees again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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