Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
