What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
