somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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