is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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