I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
