so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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