Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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