They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
