I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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