we have officially lost it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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