a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
