you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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