i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
