God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
