Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
