she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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