I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
