My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
