Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
